mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
they're like a gay fantastic four
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
