So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
