i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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