if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize