fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
