The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
