did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
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ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
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Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.