I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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