There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick