when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
