I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
