How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
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had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
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the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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