Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
