good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
