Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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