The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
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We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
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I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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