I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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