Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
