i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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