My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
