So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
