Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
