I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
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the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
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do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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