About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
love makes seman taste better
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
