Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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