drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
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A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
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When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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