Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
