remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
