hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
