Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
