woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
