I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
