I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
