Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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