Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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