she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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