"it" just moved
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
