Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
