I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
