It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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