hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize