She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
