i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
