oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
