Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
We should try that some time.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night