Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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