i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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