I looked at my own cervix.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.