Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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