just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
