hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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