You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Sorry my hands just texted you
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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