i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
