I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
