Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
These tits shall not be calmed
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
