my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
