No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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