I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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