He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It's blow job season.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
