i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
