real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
