i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
