remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
