i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
