I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Umm I'm too high to move.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
