did you get engaged???
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
