You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
