Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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