if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
