Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
