Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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