this beer tastes like vomit already
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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