your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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