mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
