the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
