Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
