i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Randomize
