i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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