My cat gives me a boner
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
